I always knew this would be tough. I felt a little awkward last week as I said goodbye to people in my class at CTU because I knew that the last goodbyes were yet to come. But today these too had come, as we all packed up the beach house and checked out.
I had plenty of tears stored up behind my eyes, having only shed tears once so far. As we drove to the airport Thomas reached under his seat and gave me a gift, a copy of Narcissus and Goldmund by Herman Hesse, which I’d read his copy of earlier this year and shared many reflections about. This was the trigger that simply bought me unglued. I was wordless.
Everyone came to the airport to wave me off, and as I went around the circle to hug everyone I choked up more and more. I wanted to say something meaningful to each person as I went, but words failed me. I’m glad I made time for these over the past few days. Thomas hugged me with shoulder-dislocating force and whispered “thanks for always being there for me” in my ear, and there was nothing left to say or do but to walk away. The last word I heard as I trudged away was Jason saying “phenomenal”, and I can find no better word to describe my year.
There was a hot pain behind my eyes as I checked in my luggage. Once that was done I found a quiet corner of the departure lounge to let myself absolutely sob. I filled up about six napkins with snot. Then I read the inscription Thomas wrote inside the book and cried a bit more. Then after I’d released it a bit, I felt a lot better.
The final words of The Lord of the Rings came to mind; as Frodo prepares to depart Middle Earth Gandalf says to the hobbits “I will not say ‘do not weep’, for not all tears are an evil”. Indeed they’re not. The sadness I feel at leaving my friends is only there because of the love that I have shared. Rather than think of what I have lost, I am thinking of how much I have gained.
I had plenty of tears stored up behind my eyes, having only shed tears once so far. As we drove to the airport Thomas reached under his seat and gave me a gift, a copy of Narcissus and Goldmund by Herman Hesse, which I’d read his copy of earlier this year and shared many reflections about. This was the trigger that simply bought me unglued. I was wordless.
Everyone came to the airport to wave me off, and as I went around the circle to hug everyone I choked up more and more. I wanted to say something meaningful to each person as I went, but words failed me. I’m glad I made time for these over the past few days. Thomas hugged me with shoulder-dislocating force and whispered “thanks for always being there for me” in my ear, and there was nothing left to say or do but to walk away. The last word I heard as I trudged away was Jason saying “phenomenal”, and I can find no better word to describe my year.
There was a hot pain behind my eyes as I checked in my luggage. Once that was done I found a quiet corner of the departure lounge to let myself absolutely sob. I filled up about six napkins with snot. Then I read the inscription Thomas wrote inside the book and cried a bit more. Then after I’d released it a bit, I felt a lot better.
The final words of The Lord of the Rings came to mind; as Frodo prepares to depart Middle Earth Gandalf says to the hobbits “I will not say ‘do not weep’, for not all tears are an evil”. Indeed they’re not. The sadness I feel at leaving my friends is only there because of the love that I have shared. Rather than think of what I have lost, I am thinking of how much I have gained.
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